Dogged Determination

John Wick

John Wick killed three guys with a pencil.

John Wick is so good at killing, he had to bury his guns beneath a cement floor just so he wouldn’t keep murdering.

John Wick will shoot you in the face, even if his face is by your face. John Wick wants to shoot you in the face that much.

If you aren’t picking up on it, John Wick is ridiculous. Directed by long-time stuntmen David Leitch and Chad...

entered on 10/24/14 at 10:29 AM | read more »



Yes, They Mean You

Dear White People

Thrill-seekers live for the rush that comes from defying death; adrenaline is the body’s chemical “thank you” for keeping it alive. Somehow, that’s the sensation I got watching Dear White People, writer/director Justin Simien’s declaration that he didn’t come to half-ass it. Audacious, overly ambitious, challenging and understandably flawed, Dear White People may be the most important...

entered on 10/19/14 at 07:41 PM | read more »



Fury Is Missing Fast

Fury

Inside of writer/director David Ayer’s Fury is a tight, 90-minute, “we will hold this line” war movie populated with complex characters and surprisingly good performances. Problem is, it was slipped into the carcass of a dirty, confused, overly serious, inconsistently grotesque snoozer in which Shia LaBeouf cries so often you’ll want to beat the accountant’s mustache off his stupid face if you...

entered on 10/17/14 at 09:59 PM | read more »



The Adventures of Super Vlad

Dracula Untold

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula into caped crusader. Gone are the prominent widow’s peak, goofy accent and overtly sexual fanged penetration, this Dracula sucks blood to save people! Like a mix between Braveheart and a literal bat-man, Transylvania’s favorite son has been reformatted and given a plot full of...

entered on 10/10/14 at 11:02 AM | read more »



Everyone is Awful

Gone Girl

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly more alleged sodomy. Writer Gillian Flynn, adapting her own novel, filters her twisty-turny whodunit (if there even is an “it” to be “whodun”) through the worst possible take on humanity. These are barely human beings and more like piles of awful shaped to resemble people....

entered on 10/03/14 at 04:03 PM | read more »



Swimming in the Laika

The Boxtrolls

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe it’s the meticulous nature of the art form, with each tiny gesture by a character necessitating dozens of miniscule movements and hours of work from animators. Maybe it’s the fact that the shiny, smooth sheen on today’s CGI kiddie flicks seems less intimate, less hand-crafted,...

entered on 09/26/14 at 11:04 AM | read more »



The Dies That Bind

The Skeleton Twins

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The Skeleton Twins is amusing. This is because stars Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are incapable of being unfunny, especially when left alone together. But this is a movie that begins and ends with suicide attempts, contains an ongoing implosion of a marriage and explores whether one...

entered on 09/19/14 at 11:23 AM | read more »


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John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


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