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Beasts of Burden

 

That Boy Ain’t Right

 

Awake My Soul

 

‘Tis the Summer of This Content

 

Crawl for Your Oscar, Leo

 

Super Bad, Man

 

Ethics, Unchallenged

 

Stuck in a Bunker With You?

 

Run! It’s Super-ISIS!

 

Hype Damned

 

Sm4wa2xhcm6x02jh8ap8 Twitter Wars: A New Nope

On two separate occasions, I was called a troll by screenwriter Max Landis, the son of legendary director John Landis (Animal House, The Blues Brothers). Before we get to the “why” of that, and why I’m just so incredibly proud that it happened, we have to (potentially legally) start with a caveat.

What follows here is my personal recollection and reaction to a series of events that unfolded on Twitter. At no point...


La-et-mn-key-peele-movie-sxsw-keanu-premiere-t-001 Can Mew Dig It?

You either find it unbearably funny that a suburban dad named Clarence finds himself in a stripclub called HPV surrounded by hardcore gangsters who force him to take on a more “bad-ass name”—and that the “bad-ass name” he comes up with is “Shark Tank”—or you don’t. If you don’t, you are going to blipping hate Keanu. It is a relentless barrage of a slow-motion kitten frolicking wearing a do-rag while a street gang...


Unspecified Fashion Backward

The First Monday in May is a feature length-commercial for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s world-famous annual fashion exhibition that quickly turns into a shockingly oblivious confirmation that every criticism we’ve ever heard about the fashion industry is absolutely, 100% correct. Director Andrew Rossi’s documentary is bookended by insufferable brownnosing that could only come from someone who’s used to begging...


The-huntsman-winters-war-official-trailer-00 Yas, Queens!

Oh dear God should The Huntsman: Winter’s War not work. Like, it should cause uncontrollable vomiting and permanent erectile dysfunction. So, sweet Jeebus, do I have my work cut out for me here. Nobody look at the score I gave at the bottom before reading all of this first, okay? Oh, come on! You looked. Just now. You looked just now, didn’t you? Dammit.

Fine, to recap: This movie is a sequel to Snow White and the...


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Keanu

Like John Wick but with a cat and more jokes than bloody head wounds.

GRADE
B+

First Monday in May

A propaganda-documentary about an industry with some pretty bad race issues...

GRADE
F

Reader Recommends

The Huntsman: Winter's War

A poorly written, unnecessary and dumb movie I really enjoyed a lot.

GRADE
B+

The Jungle Book

A more "realistic" version of an animated story about talking animals who murder while singing.

GRADE
C

Midnight Special

A kid with weird powers is trying to get somewhere to do something that doesn't quite make sense.

GRADE
B-

On DVD

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The most beloved franchise in film history is finally restored to glory.

GRADE
A+

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