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Film

Hurts So Good

 

Aw, Man

 

Wave Goodbye

 

The Long of It

 

Speaking of Suicide…

 

Crawl for Your Oscar, Leo

 

Tarantinope

 

I See You, 2016

 

Awake My Soul

 

Extra, Extra Bad Things

 

The Bicycle Grief

In what is essentially Oliver French Twist, writers/directors Jean-Pierre Dardenne and Luc Dardenne definitively prove that life in France is more than just croissant-eating and Muslim-hating. In soul-crushing fashion, this muted tale of an unwanted, unloved boy is simultaneously gripping and dull. It’s hard to pull off such a dichotomy, but these are a people who turned Jerry Lewis from clown to God and frogs...


Burton Did a Bad, Bad Thing

Seriously? This is what it’s come to? Johnny Depp, that delightfully oddball talent who once worked with John Waters and Jim Jarmusch, has reached the point in his career where he’s in movies that climax with a witch barfing on him. For real?

After Alice in Wonderland saw director and apparently terrible friend, Tim Burton, reanimate the corpse of Depp using CGI to puppeteer his body into the most humiliating...


Yo Ho No

It’s hard not to mention Chicken Run without wanting to make a joke about Mel Gibson voicing a rooster. And while that may be the lasting thought from the 2000 movie, the fact remains that it was an affable claymation adventure from Aardman Animations that holds up well when compared with the relentless CGI dreck that has infested theaters over the last decade plus. So when The Pirates! Band of Misfits was...


Like a Joss

This was going to be a rabid, frothing defense of the superhero genre, complete with impassioned pleas that appealed to cinematic intellectuals who are apt to dismiss such films. But Tom Hiddleston, who ironically plays the evil Loki in The Avengers, got there first…and he straight-up crushed it. Damn you, Loki! Does your villainy know no end?!

In his unreasonably eloquent opinion piece in The Guardian on April...


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Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

I mean, it's kind of all there in the title, right?

GRADE
C

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Room

An emotional wrecking ball about a mother and son kept in captivity.

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A

The Boy

An allegedly creepy movie about a dull doll.

GRADE
D

The Fifth Wave

An impression of an impression of good sci-fi. For young people!! 

GRADE
D

The Big Short

The story of the housing market collapse as told by the people who...weren't hurt at all by it.

GRADE
B+

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