The true miracle of Road House is that Patrick Swayze is able to spin-kick above his head while wearing pants that come up to his nipples. All hairstyles here are basically crime scene footage of how we once murdered the ozone layer. Every shirt on every character is a billowy fabric stolen from the corpse […]
Although the trope is screaming “Don’t go in there!” or “Look behind you!” in a horror movie, at some point in Swallow, you will feel physically compelled to shout “Do not put that in your mouth!” For the second time inside of a month, a sleek flick written and directed by a dude dabbles in […]
For proprietary reasons “Toasted Os” can’t taste exactly like Cheerios and “Hillbilly Holler” doesn’t quite have the kick of Mountain Dew. Onward tastes more like a knockoff of a brand name, rather than a true Pixar picture. Despite having a dead dad central to its plot, it barely even tries to make its audience cry. […]
Early on in Extra Ordinary, Irish actress/comedian/treasure Maeve Higgins raids the fridge in her undergarments and then eats while sitting on an exercise ball. It is a throwaway scene of basic setup and exposition made impossibly delightful by virtue of Higgins’s irresistibly casual comedic presence. The entirety of Extra Ordinary is just relentlessly pleasant, which […]
In a shocking turn of events, one of the best pictures of the year actually won “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards this year. This was a decision so good that it immediately sent the worst parts of the internet into terrifying, xenophobic rants. Pro tip: If you’re going to vomit ugly hatred into the […]
From tone-deaf, ableist arguments about straws to a depressing lack of discussion among presidential candidates, the national dialogue concerning disabled Americans kinda sucks right now. I’m not saying Film Streams can single-handedly fix that, but they’re gonna give it a go. They’re hosting a special screening of Far From the Tree in collaboration with the […]
Somehow, Elisabeth Moss just seems uniquely prepared for a role that involves believing in the existence of a powerful being that nobody can see but should still totally believe is there. Hand to Xenu, it sure feels she’s trying to tell us something by choosing roles like the ones in Invisible Man, Us, Top of […]
Proliferating quicker than a horny hybrid of tribbles and bunnies, streaming services now offer more original films than any sane human can reasonably watch. The emphasis in that sentence is on the word sane… Somehow, in the span of a few hours, I watched both Horse Girl on Netflix and Bliss on Shudder. Here are […]
Too dumb for adults craving a nostalgia-powered dopamine fix and too dated for kids who don’t know a Sega Genesis from the book of Exodus, the question isn’t what is Sonic the Hedgehog but why is Sonic the Hedgehog. The answer is obviously that every single “intellectual property” from Pet Rocks to breakfast cereal mascots […]
Everybody’s favorite thing about Suicide Squad is how sad and small it made Jared Leto. Everybody’s second favorite thing about Suicide Squad was Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. She was so good that she overcame having to be in the proximity of Jai Courtney, a charisma vampire whose “acting” siphons all joy from nearby performances. […]
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