Australians Musket Revenge!

Watching a poor Irish woman and an Aboriginal Australian teaming up to murder-death a rapist British solider in the Tasmanian wilderness is something I never knew I always wanted to see. That being said, writer/director Jennifer Kent’s follow-up to The Babadook is never quite as transcendent or elucidating as the subject matter and premise may […]

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Aniara Okay? Are You Okay, Ani?

In a form of intellectual segregation that should be familiar to Americans, Aniara watchers will be divided into exactly one of two camps: those who think that this bleak and mournful contemplation of life is nigh-perfect and those who are furious about having been tricked into watching a Swedish space orgy. An adaptation of a […]

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Diss, Beef, and Disbelief

Technically, the movie is titled Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. This is, of course, to achieve the coveted double-ampersand score and also to let viewers know that the film takes place on whatever physics-free alternate universe/planet/reality the F&F series calls home. The film is a throwback to mismatched buddy-cop action franchises of the […]

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Cutting Room for August 2019

Billboards and ads around this year’s San Diego Comic-Con demanded the release of “The Snyder Cut” of Justice League. That is some interesting financial investing, fans! It should be noted that my recent acceptance at Rotten Tomatoes was almost immediately accompanied by a DC dudebro on Twitter accusing me of being paid to perform sex […]

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Never Heard of It

With apologies to Poe, at some point our picture pendulum swung from pit to plenty. In the span of a millennial fart, we went from having to scour shelves at a Blockbuster video to spending 6-7 hours scrolling through streaming options before falling asleep exhausted. Finding something good to watch that you haven’t already seen […]

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Bully Idols With a Rebel Sell

If it didn’t frequently come from such a violently bigoted place and wasn’t a major part of what is eroding American democracy, conspiracism would be downright hilarious! “Let him finish eating those paint chips so he can tell us about Abraham Lincoln’s illegitimate Martian love child” is now a nightly cable news segment. Sword of […]

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Planet Dearth

Here’s a hot take that’s been baking in my brain oven for 25 years: Simba sucks. Hard. For the first hour of both Lion Kings, he acts like the savannah wildlife equivalent of a rich kid who can cut in front of you in line because “you know who his daddy is.” He then Houdinis […]

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Glasgowdy, Partners!

If Lady Gaga got an Oscar nomination for A Star Is Born, Jessie Buckley gets two for Wild Rose. That’s just fair market value, folks. Audaciously unoriginal, the film is a breezy excuse to let Buckley do her stunning thing, a rousing celebration of a flawed ma, and a petty “woe is me” ballad with […]

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