I knew Jackass 3D would be big, but I don’t think anybody knew it would be THIS big. Apparently, we have all collectively underestimated the public’s insatiable lust for dudes smacking other dudes in the naughty parts, sometimes with poo. Whatever. It’s funny, it’s harmless (to us), and I think enough ink has been spilled on pages and online contemplating the comic genius of the physical brand of comedy the merry junk-sters have created. If y’all want to spend a bunch of money to see 3D images of bodily fluids, have at it. It won’t have a long box office shelf life, but it already cleared $30 million in profit, so I’m guessing nobody cares.

Here’s how the rest of the weekend went, haiku style:

1.) Jackass 3D – $50 million (Accuracy of prediction – 78%)

The demand is high

for gross-out, violent humor.

I should have figured.

2.) Red – $22.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 88%)

Better than I thought,

both in terms of box office,

and in quality.

3.) The Social Network – $11 million (Accuracy of prediction – 100%)

Can’t be mad at this.

Good movie does good money.

That’s how it should be.

4.) Secretariat – $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 82%)

Are you shitting me?

This CAN’T have good word of mouth.

Man, I HATE those mouths.

5.) Life As We Know It – $9 million (Accuracy of prediction – 84%)

Listen up, Heigl.

I’ve had enough of your crap.

Go back to TV!!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction – 86.4%

That’s respectable.

But I’m not here for respect.

I’m here for love, man.

Okay, that’s it for now. Happy Monday. Get to work.

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