Last week, Burger King announced they’d be doing away with that creepy masked King in their advertising in an effort to appeal to mothers instead of teenagers, according to USA Today. In an effort presumably to attract moms, they’re also rolling out their “California Whopper,” which is essentially a Whopper with guacamole. This will undoubtedly be some uber-guacamole that will never turn brown and last forever, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Speaking of floating, Subway’s rolling out some new ads with drinking fountains full of grease, implying that you might as well be doing grease shots to chase those Whoppers and Big Macs. Yeah, you can get a veggie sub on crappy bread with no mayo, but you can also get a footlong tuna salad sandwich that’s got over a thousand calories and sixty grams of fat at Subway, too. A standard Whopper’s got 670 calories and 11 grams of fat and a Big Mac has 540 calories and 29 grams of fat, according to the nutrition information at the restaurants’ respective web sites. Your mileage may vary depending on whether the respective sandwich artist or burger assembler has a heavy hand with the sauces, but let’s keep all this in perspective.

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