Shhh! Don’t look over here! STOP, I TOLD YOU NOT TO. See, if nobody pays attention, then no one will notice that the BOX OFFICE IS FADING LIKE A PUNCH-DRUNK BOXER! Seriously, after posting one of the worst Novembers on record, December ain’t exactly tearin’ it up. Narnia 3: Revenge of River Jesus is a dud, even in 3D. Nobody found the Jolie/Depp pairing believable. Hell, if it wasn’t for Disney’s Tangled , PR folks from the studios would be marching with pitchforks and torches just to distract us from the fact that nobody is seeing movies right now. Why is that I wonder? Oh…right…there’s NOTHING GOOD OUT. Studios gave the last Harry Potter flick too much breathing room and everything else is pretty awful. There are some good things on the horizon, True Grit and Black Swan in particular, but things are looking lean this Christmas for the execs. Let’s all take a minute to feel really bad for them. And for me, because boy did I biff this week.

Here are the results, haiku style:

1.) Narnia 3: No Mo’ Narnia Please – $24.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 40%)

So much for this one. Looks like “The Final Battle” came early this time.

2.) The Tourist – $17 million (Accuracy of prediction – 76.5%)

No spark, all fizzle. Angelina Jolie sucks so bad, Aniston loves it.

3.) Tangled – $14.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 98%)

One bit of good news: People still love kids movies… without Narnia.

4.) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 – $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 98%)

Not a bad outing, but not the series’ best one. As the money shows.

5.) Unstoppable – $3.5 million (Accuracy of prediction – 100%)

Choo-choo goes bye-bye? This has hung on for too long. End of the line, pals.

Overall accuracy of prediction – 82.5%

I’m better than this. Not that you can tell right now. Take my word for it.

Okay, that’s it. Y’all have a happy Monday and let’s meet tomorrow to enjoy it not being Monday.

Follow me on Twitter or Santa will fill your stocking with Reindeer poop.


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