-I don’t need you to get me a gift this holiday season, The Black List already gave me one. The annual list of the best unproduced screenplays included a gem called Untitled Lax Mandis Project, which inevitably caught the attention of human-shaped, sentient turd, Max Landis. The script by new personal hero, Seth Spector, follows a film executive forced to work with an entitled writer who is fairly openly Landis. Of course the real Landis had to respond. Of course he had to suggest that the script was terrible. Of course he is, in reality, super upset and likely unable to focus on virtually anything else while knowing that this epic takedown of him is gaining notoriety. Let me just say, it couldn’t happen to a better untalented mansplainer.
-To go along with this month’s feature story for film, news is emerging that Jurassic World 2 will have “a political element.” Don’t hold out hope for a giant orange dinosaur that kills victims by smooshing them with its double chin, as director J.A. Bayona explained that a “pseudo-political” subtext will permeate the sequel. Don’t worry, it’s likely to be overlooked in favor of heated debate regarding Bryce-Dallas Howard’s shoes.
-Setting the release date for Avatar 2 has been a lot like Lucy offering to hold the football for Charlie Brown. Only nobody is as excited for Avatar 2 as Charlie Brown is to kick the football. And Lucy is, given this metaphor, kind of a hero for keeping this unwanted sequel away from us. At any rate, Sigourney Weaver has suggested 2018 is no longer realistic for the next installment of the forgettable franchise. Soon they may realize the realistic release date is the twelfth of never.
-As the world slouches towards inevitable catastrophe, it’s worth noting that Al Gore warned us. And he’s now doing it again. Some 10 years after An Inconvenient Truth offered a wake-up call, to which we all immediately hit “snooze,” Gore is back with a sequel that will premiere at Sundance in 2017. Will this finally do it? Will this finally be the much needed call-to-arms that unifies the country into action? Only if it turns out the final act of the film reveals Captain Planet is real.
Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly podcast, catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 on Fridays at around 7:40 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 on Wednesdays and follow him on Twitter.