Not that I’ve watched the teaser for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens a lot, but this may be the longest that I’ve gone without replaying it. Actually, hold on a second, I have to do…something… Okay, I’m back. One of the only controversies about the gobstopping wonderment-inducing footage is whose voice that is dripping with Britishness and menace in the voiceover. Many thought it was Benedict Cumberbatch, which is what I thought too, but it turns out it’s Gollum. Seriously, Andy Serkis, best known for playing the “precious”-loving baldie is the teaser’s narrator, doing what can only be described as a “Cumber-pression.” It has been confirmed as Serkis, so now you can tell your friends. What? Your friends aren’t doing nothing but talking about this trailer? Get some new friends.
Talk about a movie going from off my radar to the top of my “gimme now” list: Aaron Sorkin’s upcoming Steve Jobs movie went from having Christian Bale as the turtlenecked guru to having Michael Fassbender turtling his neck. With Danny Boyle directing, that already sounds bad-ass before you tell me Natalie Portman is in talks to play Jobs’ daughter, Lisa, who Sorkin calls “the heroine of the movie.” How do you like them Apple?
“We finally really did it. You maniacs! Damn you. God damn you all to hell!” What? Is there another way to tell you they officially greenlit an Independence Day sequel without Will Smith?
Ridley Scott, who has done many things I admire and a few big things I don’t, added to the latter this week by responding to the “whitewashing” controversy surrounding Exodus: Gods and Kings. In a flippant response, Scott addressed his decision to have historic Middle East figures played by the whitest humans imaginable by saying he couldn’t have gotten the movie funded using racially accurate actors. Racism: It’s good for business!
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