Not to keep whining every opening paragraph, but I’ve been inexplicably exhausted lately. If it turns out that there really IS an invisible midget sitting on my chest, I’m going to be pissed. And slightly amused…but mostly pissed. I’m hoping this weekend will see me catch up on some sleep and get some much needed mental catch-up time, but it’s probably going to devolve into some spontaneously busy set of events that will leave me longing for the sweet release of death. I swear one of these blog posts is going to start with me barfing up sunshine and rainbows…so stay tuned for that.
Everyone is invited to watch Kevin Smith quit
After pulling what is at best considered a stunt and at worst is considered a sequence of outright lies regarding the distribution of Red State , nobody can really believe Kevin Smith about his plans to retire, right? Well, supposedly, the not-always-jolly-but-always-jolly-shaped Smith plans to hang up his hoodie after Hit Somebody , his rollickingly fun hockey movie that’s sure to be a hit. I mean, combining the insanely popular hockey with the universally beloved stylings of Kevin Smith is a license to print money, right? Given that the plan is for dude to quit, he wants to bring some folks in for a cameo in his (cough) “finale.” (Between the cough and quotation marks, you did get my total lack of belief in this being his last film, right? Okay, thank God. I couldn’t find the sarcasm key on this keyboard.)
The chances of Damon and Affleck, who haven’t seemed keen to get their onscreen coupling on in a long-ass time, coming back to this supposedly final but totally NOT final project from Smith? Pretty good actually. Those dudes are loyal as sin, and who knows…maybe it’s a good script? I’ve liked everything I’ve seen about Red State , despite what I’ve heard, and my hope is that this is a career uptick for Smithy boy. I mean, a brief career uptick…you know, because he’s retiring. WINK.
Don’t worry, Sizemore will keep them all grounded
Yesterday, we briefly discussed the problems that any film would have insuring Lindsay Lohan. Today, I’d like to present to you what is likely a joke that movie insurance companies will be telling each other for years to come. There’s another adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk coming out. Yeah, I’m as surprised as the next person that Choke didn’t permanently suffocate all chances of future adaptations. But when you think about it, Snuff is clearly set up to be a perfect film. I mean, it’s about a failed porn star who attempts to set a record for sexual partners in one film. Oh and she plans to die while doing it. Oh, and one of the guys waiting in line is her biological son she gave up for adoption. And the movie’s going to star the following folks:
See, nothing to worry about. The movie adaptation about a potentially fatal gang bang is going to star washed-up former actor Tom Sizemore. I’m not kidding you, somewhere there’s an insurance company that works in Hollywood going “No, seriously…”
I’m the opposite of scared
These guys can do whatever they want.
Seriously, they do what they want or they club you with an Oscar. So when they say that they’re seriously considering a full-on horror movie next…then I believe it will happen. The duo says they’re juggling projects next, but there’s a chance we may get the first straight-up genre flick from the boys. That’s a scary thought considering that No Country For Old Men was terrifying as balls. I shudder to think what people who put characters into a woodchipper…IN A COMEDY…would do with less restrictions. No lie, this excites me. Any time you have talented artists playing in more fringe genres, I get happy. In this case, I’ll get happy and then I’ll get terrified, but you get the idea.
That’s really all the important news today…and it really wasn’t all that important. What is important? That you follow me on Twitter!