Nothing happened yesterday and today. I don’t mean literally. People did stuff and things. Just nobody did anything particularly noteworthy. You can always tell thin movie news days based on when sites run things like “Videos of the Day” that are goofy or drop shots of new posters like it warrants a whole post unto itself. I mean, Matt Damon MAY be talking about starring in the new Neill Blomkamp movie, Guillermo Del Toro is starting a production company, the Thor preview drops soon…but when people are running double-removed rumors about secret projects, covering stories about someone’s new production shingle, and are DESCRIBING shot-by-shot what a trailer that is going to be posted soon WILL look like, you know it’s a good day to sit back and take it easy. That’s the Cutting Room guarantee: In the absence of real and/or truly interesting news, I will either do nothing or run a photo of Evangeline Lilly. Possibly both.
So there you go. Now, moving on to the box office stuff. The new Narnia is going to hit this week and will determine if they’re going to wrap everything up with at least one more movie. There’s apparently something that happens called “the last battle” in this series. If you drag us through 7 hours of things like a River Jesus and poorly CGI horsie things, you should really at least shoot the “last battle.” So I hope that it does well enough to warrant that. Given the built-in Christian audiences, there is at least that chance. The other flick, The Tourist , is going to sizzle then fizzle. I predict a nice opening before a total kersplat. And not just because better movies are opening, but because people have apparently forgotten that Angelina Jolie, while good at philanthropic work and formerly beautiful (before she became the skeleton of someone who used to be beautiful), is a terrible, terrible actress. Never good. Never. So there are your new movies that will heat things up.
Here’s how I see the weekend box office, haiku style:
1.) Narnia 3: Mo’ Narnia Mo’ Problems – $48 million
It’s Lion Jesus! He will save you with growling! That’s the take-home theme.
2.) The Tourist – $25 million
Hey, it’s Johnny Depp! And Angelina Jolie?!?!?! That’s all this has got.
3.) Tangled – $15 million
Disney Princesses will always be popular. CGI or not.
4.) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 – $9 million
Okay, we’re ready. Bring on the final chapter. No more foreplay, K?
5.) Burlesque – $3.5 million
I can’t keep this up. This must leave the top 5 now. Please make that happen.
WILDCARD – Unstoppable – $3.5 million
Enough with the train. This has run its course by now. Emergency STOP!
Okay, that’s it. You have a great, safe, fun holiday-time weekend. Be merry and stuff, or I’ll tell Santa. He and I are boys. I’ll also tell him if you don’t follow me on Twitter.