Mark Wahlberg tells a teddy bear to say hello to his mother for him


If Mark Wahlberg wants us to forget this:

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he’s going to have to stop doing movies involving animals. Last week he was rumored for The Crow reboot, which did not excite me to a tiny degree. How small was my excitement? Smaller than Wahlberg’s permanently exposed widdle nipples. This next project, though, may be a winner.

He’s going to star in Ted , which you won’t believe is about what it is about. From “Family Guy” creator Seth McFarlane’s warped brain comes his first live-action, feature film debut. It’s a hard-R, $65 million budgeted movie…about a guy whose teddy bear comes to life and is a drug-using, womanizing monster. This means Wahlberg gets to do the role he does best: angry guy who can’t believe what’s happening to him. Plus, I get to keep making jokes based on him talking to animals. I swear to God if he does a movie that even sounds like it has a goat in it, I’m going to put the “I like your beard” clip on loop for days. This movie could be as hilarious as thinking about Wahlberg actually talking to a goat.

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