January is the cruelest month, no matter what Eliot said. Seriously, it’s cold as blue balls out there, there’s not enough football to keep us distracted, the movies largely suck, and there’s no news of note really. It’s a stupid, frosty month that only exists because my wife’s birthday is in it. If it weren’t for that, I’d have capped January in the face years ago. Let’s take a look at the pathetic non-news news for the day in today’s edition of the Daily Dump.

Ricky Gervais is Ricky Gervais, Hollywood is pissed

For a bunch of people giving each other shiny trophies for spending a few weeks making millions, famous people are total wangs. How else do you explain the sheer indignation DURING THE SHOW against Ricky Gervais’ hilarious and stinging patter? The three people seemingly most upset were Robert Downey Jr, Tim Allen, and Tom Hanks. Hanks is a class act sticking up for his friends (but should have kept his mouth shut), and the other two DID TERRIBLE THINGS WHILE BEING DRUNKEN LECHEROUS LEECHES ON SOCIETY. Come on, RDJ, laugh it off a bit. Yes, Ricky mentioned your stints in rehab. So do you. You only like people remembering them when they’re recalled in the wake of your triumphant return to stardom. So BE A STAR and laugh those jokes off. You’re also scathingly clever, so why not fire a zinger back at Ricky? You knew he’d say something! And Tim Allen…are you for real now? You got pissy because Ricky said you were less famous than Tom Hanks? It was hard to feel sorry for the star of Jungle 2 Jungle and Whateverthehellmovieitwasyoudirectedandstarredinthatbombedlastyear when he was WEARING SUNGLASSES ON STAGE! You all came off worse than the guy making cracks at your expense with your petulance. For the record, versions of EACH of those jokes are told every night on late night talk shows that each of you frequent to promote your movies and I don’t see you getting upset there. You just never had anyone with the stones to make those JOKES (and I stress jokes in the time-honored tradition of all caps) to your face. Hell, Hugh Hefner tried to play off like we’re supposed to feel SORRY FOR HIM FOR MARRYING A 24-YEAR OLD and getting mocked for it! Are you shitting me?! Look, whether or not you found it funny, there was nothing wrong with someone helping to bring down the collective ego of the back-patting Holywood elite, and this is from a liberal movie blogger who loves award shows. Humility is a comely, charming trait. Waving your hands and saying “the big man is being mean to me” makes you look small. Also, the Tourist stuff he did was comic gold.

The Red Skull hearts Halloween

Reason number 1,732,000 why you should just release photos of characters from your movie before you release merchandising advertisements for your movie. The Red Skull in the new Captain America movie will look something like this:

Yes, it’s a crappy photo, but it gives us a good idea of how the character will appear. It was going to be hard to bone this character’s translation, given the simplicity of it. But then again, given what they’ve done to The Green Lantern, I don’t put it past any effects company to molest a solid icon. Yes, for the record, I’m going to make Green Lantern jokes for the next full year.

I’m thrown for a Prime Loop

This is a talented man.

His name is Shane Carruth, and his film Primer is one of the best Science-Fiction (not sci-fi) films I’ve ever seen. It blew me away and was made for something like five dollars or so. It came out years and years ago, and I have been desperately wanting another film from him in some way, ANY WAY, as soon as possible. (Seriously, rent this effin’ movie right now). So news that he’s emerged on the set of director Rian Johnson’s Looper can only be described as a miracle. Supposedly he’s just working on some effects and such, but I hope it’s more than that. Johnson, who has made some damn fine films of his own, has also talked up Carruth’s script that’s having a hard time getting funding. SOMEONE NEEDS TO FUND THAT SCRIPT! Seriously! Let’s hope this buddying up with Johnson results in some serious coin so that I can SEE ANOTHER MOVIE FROM THIS GUY! We live in a world with a Yogi Bear movie. Can’t we find a way to fund a genius’s next work? Pretty please.

Okay, that’s it today. Not only is there nothing else of real note, but if this system is slower than social progress today. See you tomorrow for more dumping!

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