I’ve been such a good boy for so long now that I’m overdue for presents of all kind. So if it sounds like I’m more demanding than usual about people contacting me at film@thereader.com to get my address to send me more free stuff, that’s because I deserve it. Really, I do. Of course, this is where I say I’m kidding and that this is really just me showing you some cool stuff on the internet, but I don’t know that I am today. Today I feel as though I should be bribed and pampered, should be showered with things I will own without purchasing. You should make it so.

Here’s what I want this week:

1.) No more free shows for people watching me after a shower – I don’t know abut the whole bathrobe thing, seeing as how the only dude that comes to mind when I think of one is Hugh Hefner, and I’m not going that route with my life. Not that he hasn’t had a good life, it’s just that we all I know I can pull that sort of existence off. That said, I think if someone wanted to plop down $99 at ThinkGeek, I would totally wear this:

That’s a Jedi bathrobe. Okay, technically it’s a bathrobe cut to look like a ceremonial Jedi robe, and it’s further proof that there is not one merch idea that Lucasfilm will not conceive of. I’m fully anticipating Yoda Wart Cream and Leia-but-don’t-get-pregnant Condoms.

2. A Halloween decoration I can stand behind – For $17.99 at ThinkGeek, you can have the best October decoration I’ve ever seen.

Unlike the people in my neighborhood, who decorate more for Halloween than Christmas, this tiny, inexpensive object is somehow both tasteful and fully in the spirit of the season. Seriously, nothing says weird like suburbanites decorating their lawns with fake severed heads. It’s so trippy.

3.) I like cows, so what? – I do. I like cows. I like T-shirts. Thus, ergo, and therefore, I like cow T-shirts.

This one is called “Fail” and is available at Threadless. Come on, you know this is cute.

That’s what you should give me this week. I’ll have more next time.

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