This is the second to the last Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas. So it’s Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas Eve. I am going to assume that most of you have made glorious purchases for me, you just haven’t sent them yet because you don’t want to ruin the surprise. It’s either that or you don’t think I’ve been a good boy this year, and I assure you I have been. In all seriousness, I’m trying to be responsible with this column and really show you cool stuff that you can get for nerdy friends of yours…and all of us have a little nerd in us, right? His name is Melvin and he lives in your pancreas.
Here are the things I think you should buy me (…fine…you can also buy these for other people) this week: 1.) I want to go to there – To me, there are three kinds of nerd merch: (1) – The kind that is dorky as all bejeesus but you don’t care because it’s so awesome; (2) The kind that you should, in fact, be ashamed of (it’s why God invented walk-in closets); and (3) The kind that is so cool, it’s almost not even a nerd thing anymore. Falling into that third category is the work of Justin Van Genderen. Inspired by the travel posters that everybody hangs everywhere these days, Justin made art for places I WOULD like to go:
Seriously, that’s borderline classy. Sure, tiny Batman and itty-bitty Spider-man are there upon inspection, but otherwise that’s just classy modern art. Justin has a few others, including Superman (if you’re so inclined) and an awesome Fantastic Four one. Whichever one you choose, you will be the most upscale dork in your posse. Actually, what do we nerds travel in? Flocks? Gaggles? I’m going with gaggle. A gaggle of nerds. I like it.
2.) By the power of EBAY! – This is brought to you by Toplessrobot.com, who has a great list of nerd gifts for you who are indecisive about what to give the nerds in your life (hint – don’t give a coupon book for physical touching…they will expire before use). My favorite on the list was something at one point I had:
Oh, Great Muppet Caper, how I would drink from your cups of awesome! True, you can’t just order these from a retailer. You’ll have to ebay that shit, but it’s totally worth it. I mean, do you see the fine craftsmanship on those glasses? Why, I bet they have barely any lead-based materials in them! Wouldn’t a nice glass of whiskey taste even better when supped from Miss Piggy’s head? Yes. Yes it would.
3.) It’s a repeat, I know – This Threadless shirt is (A) the only shirt I’ve repeated mention of and (B) on sale. B is part of the reason for A. In addition to that, zombies are just everywhere these days. Most shirts are cute, but few are just awesome. If you were to encapsulate the coolest aspect of a zombie apocalypse on one bad-ass looking shirt, it would go like this:
Boom. Perfect zombie shirt. Don’t say I never did anything for ya. Well that’s it for this week. I promise to hit one out of the park next week, even though by then it will be too late to order something that will arrive for Christmas. Don’t blame me, blame the calendar yo.
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