Okay, you don’t have to buy me anything this week. I accept that I have done nothing worthy of your free swag this week, in that I promised you no absences and then promptly took the next day off. In my defense: (A) – This new system is NOT as user friendly for quick posting, (2) – I am easily distracted, (C) – I probably deserve lots of gifts for all my hard work previous to this during which time very few people bought me anything, and (4) – I’m sleepy tired.

Before we get started with this week’s installment of the coolest of the hottest stuffs on the interwebs available for purchase (note that I said for purchase, otherwise this list would just consist of three pictures of Evangeline Lilly each week), a programming note: I’m shifting my junk. Obviously, long-time readers and non-perverts know that means I’m moving my regular Ryan’s Junk Drawer column permanently to Fridays, not that I’m adjusting myself like a professional ball-player. We’re moving “Things You Should Buy Me” to Thursday and my Junk to Friday. Why? Two reasons: (A) – I want to and (2) – It was always the idea. I was originally doing “weekly wrap up” columns on Friday, which is really what the Junk Drawer is, so it makes more sense to do that and cover all the little news stories in a given week. Oh, and I’m hella busy on Thursdays so doing the “Buy Me” column should help with that.

Given all that…I somehow STILL have one more thing to tell you before I preview the coolest stuff on the web for purchase (or, more specifically, that should be purchased and sent to me by contact me at {encode=”film@thereader.com” title=”film@thereader.com”} and getting my address…shockingly few of you do that). Here are two things I actually DID get bought for me. Sure, they were Christmas presents, but they were nerd related and they were rad. Yes, I said rad. I’m BRINGING RAD BACK. I’ve decided that’s one of my 2011 resolutions. It goes (1) Bring “rad” back and (B) continue to confuse people by interchanging letters and numbers in my lists. How am I doing so far?

Here’s what I got:

This is a “Tannenbomb”

It is available from ThinkGeek and it is awesome. Here’s how it works: It’s an AWESOME ORNAMENT THAT FEATURES A JOINT ZOMBIE VERSUS ROBOT APOCALYPSE!!! Okay, that’s part one. What you do is, you give this to a nerd friend of yours in the box that comes INSIDE the box from ThinkGeek. When they hang it up, it activates a switch that intermittently makes strange noises. Then your friend (in this case, me) freak out trying to figure out how a cricket or squirrel or robot got inside your house. True, this would likely have to wait until next year for Christmas to be effective, but hey, it’s like 8 bucks of rad. Abbie (my wife) did this to me and then I did it to my parents and so on. That sounded weird but you know what I mean.

I also got these:

You can buy them here. But I don’t need to, because I got them for free. They are so incredibly awesome. I’ve never seen comic book glasses this sturdy (they’re thick), colorful (the Cap is just awesome), and this classic and iconic. I can’t decide if liquid will ever go inside of them or not.

Okay, now that we’ve done the “what I got” portion, let’s FINALLY get to the stuff I want going forward:

1.) No, really, I need this…a lot – I don’t know how you can call yourself a true Kubrick fan and not own this:

Yeah, that’s a “Monolith” action figure. You know, for your monkeys to throw bones in front of! How long have we had to make do with our own mock-ups simulating this epically play-with-able toy? Too long! FAR TOO LONG! I swear to you, when they started that whole Jesus and Sigmund Freud action figure thing, I thought it was lame. But we’ve finally gotten around to the coolest, weirdest toy ever. So rad. B.) It’s adorable terror – Isn’t it cute?

It used to be that you had to DECIDE between paying homage to a classic sci-fi comedy and robbing a bank, but now you can do both! Fashionably Geek has created a terrifying blend of winter wear and giant marshmallow monster. The best part is, it STILL sullies the series less than Dan Ackroyd is trying to by making a third movie. ZING! I’d be worried about Ackroyd rage, but he’s been expanding so fast I’m pretty sure he’s bed ridden. What? It comes from a place of concern, I promise.

3.) Boom. Mission accomplished – Do you know what this is?

Yes, it’s a T-shirt of a skateboarding dinosaur. But do you know what the name of that shirt is? Tyrannosaurus Rad. That’s right. Rad. Boom. Mission over for 2011, I effectively brought rad back. What’s next? That’s so impressive, I just KNOW someone is going to buy me something this week. Right?

Okay, come back tomorrow to see my junk!

Follow me on Twitter because doing so is…wait for it…rad.

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