Folks, I’m not the greedy bastard this column’s title would have you believe. Oh, sure, I like getting stuff…but receiving like 3-5 items of the nearly 200 items I’ve posted in this segment has taught me that life is about NOT getting stuff. In which case, I am really, really good at life. My point is this, I’m not going to sit here and once more beg you for material goods that you will find awesome (and probably buy for yourself) but never send my way. Not this week (I will NEXT week). No, this week…it’s all about love. What with us being something like 11 days away from the pointless, money-sapping, capitalist created non-holiday “holiday” known as Valentine’s Day (a day so horrifying the movie based on it stars Ashton Kutcher), why not dedicate THIS week’s column to “Things You Should Buy Abbie.” That’s right! This week’s collection of three items details the newest, nerdiest things I think my largely non-nerdy wife would still enjoy. So sit back, relax, and prepare to NOT buy something for someone other than ME for once!
1.) The ladies love their baths – I don’t know what it is about the process of washing themselves that women seem to enjoy so much. Most dudes I know are content to quickly wash in a shower, sometimes lingering if extra grime needs a’scrubbin’ or if it’s chilly outside…OR SOMETHING MANLY HAPPENED TO OUR MUSCLES!!!! My wife has been known to take 3 baths in one day. I’m told it’s relaxing, and yet it seems like a latent desire to be a merperson manifesting itself if you ask me. Arguably the only thing my wife enjoys MORE than her baths is talking like Russell Brand and Mark Wahlberg. If there is a second thing she likes more than her baths, it’s coffee. So this may be ideal:
ThinkGeek has created a caffeinated bubble bath. For the longest time, the problem for bath lovers has been “Baths are relaxing, so how can I take them in the morning and still be alert?” This has led to the dangerous cycle of “showers in the morning, baths in the evening,” a phenomenon that may be responsible for our impending water shortage. With this strawberry-scented bubble bath, that’s no longer an issue, as you can bathe in the morning while laying down AND still be woken up. Nice.
2.) Shhhh…don’t tell her she’s “role playing” – Honestly, the only thing my wife enjoys more than talking about the inevitable postapocalyptic scenario we’ll all find ourselves in any minute now (probably zombie related) is discussing historical settlers doing settler things. So she wants to play this, she just doesn’t know it.
You can also buy this at ThinkGeek , and then have a wonderful time…buying sheep and building settlements. Yes, that’s right, this German-created game is all about having enough resources to start a new settlement, which involves trading sheep, building proper facilities, and staving off death. In short, it’s everything Abbie wishes she could discuss every minute of the day. The funny thing is, this is an incredibly popular nerd game…and that overlap makes me giggle.
3.) If you don’t watch “Community,” we need an intervention – One of the things that Abbie and I agree on entirely is this: If you don’t watch “Community,” you hate things that are awesome. Unless you routinely save orphans from burning buildings every Thursday at 7, I don’t know why you wouldn’t watch this show. And even then, hello heroic baby saver, it’s called DVR. At any rate, when thinking about apparel that is nerd-based, I settled on Abbie needing one of these shirts. Some of them are more on the “obvious” side of “Community” fandom, but the last one is only for die-hard lovers of the show…so it’s the coolest. All of these are available at the NBC Store…and given their ratings, they could really use the business.
So there you have it: Plenty of stuff for you to buy (or more likely NOT buy) for someone OTHER than me. For the record, I think I’m going to count “giving this column” as my Valentine’s Day gift this year. I knew internet writing would be good for SOMETHING.
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