Have you ever felt like there’s something more to life, something that can be found in the meaty folds of a warm lasagna or the abuse of smaller, cuter animals? Do you feel that Monday should be a day of worship and not of slavery and work? Have you grown tired of relentless annoyances from those simpler, dumber, and slobberier than you?

Of course you have.

The answer to all of life’s mysteries have been staring us in the face through a holy text printed in newspapers around the globe daily. At the Church of the Holy Fat Cat, we believe that the answer to everything can be found in the loveable antics of a morbidly obese feline.

If you join us, you will learn:

  • The spiritual awakening that comes from killing arachnids.
  • The fulfillment that comes from pointing out the sad, pathetic reality of single men who struggle with women and their own sense of self-worth.
  • The location of Abu Dhabi.
  • The path to enlightenment as determined through 12-16 hours of sleep each day.

If you’re SERIOUSLY interested and not simply someone who wants to swing by for a Sunday funny, please contact us at Garfieldisgod@gmail.com. By the power of the prophet Jim Davis, we can and will find a better future together. 

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