Dear Cardinal Aries,
Thanks for all the votes and the resultant “holy white smoke,” proving your approval after the most recent removal of the next to last Piscean Pope; heralding the return of St. Peter — according to Catholic Christian mythology and hope. A new age is dawning upon us, heralding a cosmic spring. Just as each astrological sign resolves what was lacking in the preceding sign, so each generation must resolve the disharmonies left by the preceding one. Each age solves its precedent dilemmas. Let us pray. Omnia gloriam de Deum. Thanks for electing me, MOJOPOPE, your “Guru of Vou Dou.”
a ARIES (3.20-4.18) Wow! This is it! On your mark! Venus is conjunct Mars and the planet Uranus at 6-8° Aries. That’s just the start — your favorite part. For starters, take care of the loose ends — and then goose your best friends and partners around the 27th; the Full Moon in Libra (Libra rules the hips). Get set and gear up for April 10th’s New Moon in Aries conjunct Venus and Mars, followed by a solar/Martian conjunction on April 17th. Wear red to get ahead and kick it hard! CHARGE LARGE and make the move that’s got the groove… Go!
b TAURUS (4.19-5.19) Here comes a fiery Aries type, blazin’ across your horizon, electrif(r)yin’ and suprisin’, especially with Taurus risin’. Here today, tomorrow gone. Comets don’t hang around too loooong… With the Sun, Venus, Mars and the planet Uranus in your theoretical 12th House of self-undoing, it’s time for you to sit alone, think and meditate on the cost of your impulsive nature, behavior and past choices.
c GEMINI (5.20-6.19) Well, that (March ’til now) was deeper than you’d (usually) like to go, huh? Glub, glub. How does the MOJO know? The ocean of devotion (Pisces) seems too deep for the breath of spring (Gemini). You’re happier and more expressive on/at the surface of things. Here comes the fiery heat of Aries to evaporate any residual vagueness. But a wishy-washy Pisces still has a secret for you… Next week, your fishy-flashy ruler Mercury, still in Pisces, conjuncts Chiron (“the Wounded Healer”). The first step in healing is (accurate) diagnosis. Expect a word/diagnosis from “da’ Captain”…
d CANCER (6.20-7.21) Your spring cleaning will be due on the Full Moon in Libra on the 27th, just before dawn. If you want that little robin of love to sing around your house this spring you’ll have to feather your/their nest. Looks like a great gardening year for you. Ooops… I see some BIG BELLIES!
e LEO (7.22-8.21) Back into your fiery element! Spring is coming! Now’s the time to seek completeness through/with able help from/with the people you love, and who love you. Love is the way, and with your heart and help I can/will prove it once again. Let’s prove it together. I’ll start. I love you…
f VIRGO (8.22-9.21) The main pressure’s off — but not all the pressure. It’s like when you play the April Fool by thinking spring is already here, and you go out and face the elements ill-prepared to suffer through/succumb to one last “cold” for you. Stay in, away from the cold. To August-born Virgos: Things not being as they seem forces/invites you to go deeper, cheaper or “sleeper” (nighty-night) — ’cuz you can’t keep ’er or teach ’er if you can’t reach ’er. There’s a mystical lover searching/waiting undercover for you. Reach out…with your soul…
g LIBRA (9.22-10.21) Shortly before dawn next Wednesday, the 27th, is the Fool Moon in Libra — your half-birthday is going on! What have you promised? What/which promises have you kept? What have you left behind? Who have you left bereft? What do thee see right now, in front of thee? What came to mind? What can/will you find? Remember, we can’t change the present (or future?) but we can (creatively?) reinterpret the past… How about a book about your life to set it all straight? Ghost writer for hire? How does the MOJO know?
h SCORPIO (10.22-11.20) There are 2 kinds of people in this world — workers and gamblers. There are 2 kinds of answers — “Let’s do it,” and/or excuses. In our last 24 hours on Earth we all turn into/become mystics, don’t we? There are 2 kinds of mystics — happy and/or sad. Keep building your “vocabulary” and applying what you(’ve) learn(ed) to alchemy as a metaphor for consciousness and spiritual evolution. Astrological/alchemical hint: the Sun represents gold and Saturn, lead. ‘Mercurious, sulfurious malefictorum occulorum’ to bore ’em, and then score ’em.
i SAGITTARIUS (11.21-12.20) Hang in there ’til July. By then, you’ll know why. Maybe you gotta gitta partner out dare? A Gemini? Think ahead. Get your pad and your spring garden together so you and your friends can enjoy this spring weather.
j CAPRICORN (12.21-1.18) All the energy is accumulating around your home center (4th House). I’d suggest flowers in a “spring cleaned” house, hot and spicy lunches and dinners and Latin music, followed by hot and spicy salsa “desserts.” Love is in the air, waiting/looking to share — if you dare?
k AQUARIUS (1.19-2.17) This starts your week! This is the one you’ve been waiting for. You’ve known an Arian type of person or had a wild fiery idea for a year now, and things are starting to get clear now. Time to make your move — unexpectedly! No clues! Make a/your move, and don’t tell anyone! How does one expect the unexpected (humbly)? (Now, burn this!)
l PISCES (2.18-3.19) You’re tired, done in and worn out, but not done yet. It’s best that you rest for the rest of this week, before next we speak. By then, you should find that there’$ $ome unexpected money out there looking for you, with your name on it. Pi$ce$, Pi$ce$, Pi$ce$. $ay it 3 time$, and it’$ your$.