Gray-Haired Black Ops

Wry sense of humor, sly sexuality, potent and visually stimulating violence? Oh, Ernest Borgnine, is there anything you can’t do? Okay, fine, although the 93-year-old gap-toothed thespian pops up infrequently in Red , a film for which all those previous descriptors do actually apply, his inclusion is a metaphor for the inexplicably kinda-awesome ha-ha/bang-bang extravaganza […]

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Naval Gazing

It’s a little known non-fact that Philip Seymour Hoffman has had a role, big or small, in every movie ever made. If you don’t believe me, just look for his cameo as “cherubic South Carolina racist” in Birth of a Nation . We all knew it was just a matter of time before he applied […]

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Next Stop, Glue Factory

Although directed at no specific group, Secretariat may represent some form of hate crime. As unintentionally hilarious as The Happening, as hideously filmed as a flip-camera video taken on a roller coaster ride in the dark, as horribly acted as a community theater musical starring meth addicts, any compliment the film is given is a […]

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ATM Deposit

It’s 2010, which means everyone with a modem has stumbled across a video they wish they hadn’t seen, a movie depicting an act so vile that we thought they were urban legend; we couldn’t believe people actually did that — until we watched it. Our collective innocence fled sometime between the viral videos “Two Girls […]

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Prodigal Prodigy

Basquiat documentary depicts the artist as a young man With its repetitive vocal line and frenetic bounciness, the 1940s bebop tune “Salt Peanuts” was the perfect song for the opening credits of The Radiant Child, a documentary about artist and painter Jean-Michel Basquiat. A New York City counter-culture icon of the early 1980s, Basquiat sent […]

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Going Green

The recession, as explained by Oliver Stone What better time than the tail-end of a recession for Oliver Stone to bring his inimitable money-grubber Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) back to the screen? In 1987’s original Wall Street, the trading wizard was our cartoonish symbol for the dark side of that era’s excess. Now, Gekko returns […]

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Don’t Edit Me Argentina

Brain wrinkle time. When is a review not a review? Answer: When dealing with “the complete” Metropolis. Director Fritz Lang’s 1927 dystopian epic, which birthed modern sci-fi cinema from its loins as assuredly as if we had ultrasonographic images of Blade Runner in its womb, was truncated to around 90 minutes after its original screening […]

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Suck it, Damon!

The Town proves Affleck is on the rise With The Town, writer/director/star/unfair-target-of-derision Ben Affleck pumps two armor-piercing rounds into jokes about his being the lesser of the creative forces behind his joint Oscar win with hetero-life-partner Matt Damon. Eff that noise, whatever Affleck’s staggeringly brilliant freshman directorial effort Gone Baby Gone didn’t prove, this clip-emptying, […]

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Easy A FTW

It’s fitting that the review of a movie about whoring through words should start with a verbal money shot, in the form of a pull quote: Easy A is easily the funniest movie of the year. Sporting chlamydia as a subplot, discussion of vagina gnomes and multiple Huckleberry Finn–based biracial gay sex jokes, first-time screenwriter […]

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