Welcome one and all to the weekly extravaganza you anticipate for 6 days in a row! Yes, it’s once more the time for me to show you the coolest products out there that I want to own without paying to own them. I have managed yet another week without anyone sending me the free swag I demand (by contacting me at film@thereader.com for my address), so the streak is alive. Yay. Yay for not getting free stuff. Obviously, I don’t ACTUALLY expect you to send me free stuff. I just hope you feel insecure enough to try to buy my affection, which will TOTALLY work.

Let’s see how you can buy my love today?

1.) I’m a fan of fake stabbings – As a proud owner of ninja throwing star “coat hooks,” which are actually being used to hold my headset and headphones near my desk, I am instantly drawn to these magnets.

ThinkGeek has finally found a way to say “yes, I put things on my fridge that I find interesting or cute…SAY SOMETHING AND I’LL CUT YOU.” Seriously though, it looks like a Hobbit ninja just riddled your cooling device with tiny throwing knives. How is that not a big bucket of awesome?

2.) FINALLY, I can cuddle Legolas…I mean… – Admit it. You’ve always wanted to grab Gandalf, love on Legolas, feel-up Frodo! Well, now’s your chance.

These plush figures are available from Thinkgeek, and let you do this:

Look how happy he is. Ever since he saw Orlando Bloom unload those arrows into those orc chests, all he’s wanted to do is cuddle him. Now he can! This is a great way to get really young children to appreciate a book and movie series riddled with the kind of violence that will make them better people.

3.) There’s nothing minimal about my superhero love – How great is this shirt?

Threadless has tapped into the minimalist movement to really capture the best parts of how I believe people thought up superheroes in the first place. “Um, what about a roach man? No? Um biscuit man? No? Um, sock man?” This lasted until they stumbled on items that they could really pass off. Now we have this wicked cool shirt. Seriously. Gimmee.

That’s all I want for this week. It’s another 6 days until I share more, so you have plenty of shopping time.

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