Say this much for Francis Ford Coppola: At least he didn’t spend his personal riches trying to leave the planet or rub up against the Titanic. Sure, he sunk $120 million of his own money into an inert, unoriginal, sloppy, exhausting exercise in hubris, but at least nobody involved died.
Perhaps the most damning thing that can be said about Megalopolis, a film without narrative integrity, is that it is barely worth hating. Don’t worry, you’ll ultimately walk out with an itty little bit of hate, but almost accidentally and reluctantly. It is crusty lint accumulated in your pocket, easily discarded and completely useless.
Much has been made of the challenge in synopsizing the plot, which is mostly a byproduct of its repetitive, corny banality. The film is set in New Rome, which is somehow both a city and a country, depending on the dialogue, and is somehow also America. Ole FFC told us up front that this is a “fable,” which is a catchall excuse to cover any litany of cinematic sins.
Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) is a genius scientist/architect/Nobel prize winner. He’s the most special of very special artist boys. That’s all you need to know. His rival, Mayor Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), hates him for how very special he is. Mayor Cicero wants things to stay the same and bad. Cesar wants things to be better and good. This is partially why Cicero’s daughter, Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel), falls in with her dad’s rival.
As the two men fight over the future of the city/country, Wow Platinum (Aubrey Plaza) plots a takeover of the banking system run by Cesar’s uncle, Hamilton Crassus III (Jon Voight). Hamilton’s other nephew, Clodio Pulcher (Shia LaBeouf), is also looking to yuck his cousin Cesar’s yum. Jason Schwartzman and Laurence Fishburne also stand around in several scenes, with the latter kind of narrating sometimes.
The big fight is over the titular Megalopolis, which Cesar wants to build out of a new element he discovered right when his wife died, a death that Cicero prosecuted Cesar over (and failed). It’s worth pausing here to note that Frankie Ford runs out just the most tired, naked tropes for women. You’ve got Julia the muse, Wow the scheming and horny villainess, Cesar’s discarded first wife, and Constance Crassus Catilina (Talia Shire), Cesar’s mommy who shows up to make him feel bad a few times.
Everyone knows that this debacle was F.F. Copps’ passion project and highly personal to him. That oddly puts Megalopolis in quasi-conversation with Ari Aster’s Beau Is Afraid. Each film obviously trapses around in the psyche of their writer/director, publicly exploring their white auteur’s self-worth. Megalopolis settles on “it’s so hard to be a genius, but ultimately, all of humanity is better for me having done what only I can do.” Beau Is Afraid explicitly condemns the weakness and blame-casting of its creator. Maybe that’s why the former is insufferable and the latter is somewhat brilliant.
If there’s a way of reading Megalopolis as anything other than a very costly self-high-five, it would require expending effort the film doesn’t deserve. It is, above all else, a dud. Tiresome, silly in ways that are not risk-taking and brave, and grating in theme and purpose. Blandly forgettable, the only thing that I will remember about the movie from now is the debacle involving one of its trailers. If you hadn’t heard, the PR team used AI to lean into the bad buzz for the film. They pulled quotes from famous movie critics who had blasted previous Coppola films. Except, they weren’t real. The AI biffed it or they did it on purpose to generate attention. If they want to run a new ad to build hype before the streaming release, they can feel free to use this: Megalopolis is simply embarrassing.
Grade = D-
Other Critical Voices to Consider
Sarah G. Vincent says “Megalopolis is an odd combination of the visually innovative and narratively derivative. Still it will be hard to resist grading it generously since it feels like Coppola’s earnest swan song, and it is hard to withhold some grace and leeway to a titan in his field who manages to retain his optimism.”
Sherin Nicole at RIOTUS says “Megalopolis is seriously but somehow unseriously all mixed up—it is both wondrously cinematic and filled with perplexities that intrigue. That’s why you should see it, for the art of it, but maybe at a matinee (because attempts to swing on me for my recommendations are strictly prohibited).”
Siddhant Adlakha at IGN says it is “the tale of an artist in his twilight years, who loves deeply and fulfills the fantasy of stopping the ruthless march of time in its tracks, while striving to create (and spiritually communicate) a bold, revolutionary, transformative vision of a better tomorrow. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.”