Winter months are for television. So are spring months. And summer. Seriously, have you seen TVs lately? They’re almost as big as a Dodge Street pothole and have picture quality sharper than any of my headline puns.
Harrison Ford is doing TV now. That means two things: (1) TV is officially movies now and (2) the FAA can let the air traffic controller dedicated to keeping eyes on Harry F at all times finally take a nap. Anyway, point is that January and February are trash months for new movies, during which I catch up on TV. Here’s a whistlestop tour of recent stuff I streamed and you should (or shouldn’t) too.
“Willow” (Disney+)
The cool thing about every studio launching a streaming service without thinking about the long-term financial implications is that pretty much everybody gets a show that leads them to think “Was this literally made only for me?” “Willow” was for me and maybe nobody else.
Set 17 years after the events of the original film, the show follows the titular sorcerer (Warwick Davis) as he parades a group of horny teens on a “quest” to find another horny teen. They fight PG-13 versions of the demons from “Hellraiser.” There’s a cameo that really gleamed my cube. Each end credit sequence starts with a super weird needle drop that includes a cover of “Black Hole Sun” and the original “Money for Nothing.”
It is all so dumb. It is so much fun. It is unexpectedly lovely to look at. It is my happy place.
Grade = A
“Last of Us” (HBO)
You probably haven’t heard of this sleeper hit that dares to ask “What if the ‘The Walking Dead’ was even just half as good as people once thought?” Sir Pedro Pascal, the lord king of nerd streaming entertainment, and Bella Ramsey wade through a fungal apocalypse, breaking 0% new ground 100% successfully.
Everyone lost their butts at how great the third episode was. This is because it was truly lose-your-butt-worthy. Few postapocalyptic fables find the right focus, which is not on how people survive but why. “Station Eleven” remains the king of that particular genre, but “Last of Us” absolutely “gets it.” Oh, and kudos to HBO for finding a way, over and over again, to provide appointment television that allows all of us to have a shared conversation. That conversation currently has more Linda Ronstadt than expected.
Grade = A
“Mythic Quest” (Apple TV+)
This comedy series about video game creators and producers is at its best when it doesn’t fool itself into believing it is prestige television. Through three seasons, it has stayed surprisingly watchable. The surprise is mostly that it continues to just barely avoid the event horizon of its own bellybutton. A few “very special episodes” over the first two years were groan-inducing eye rollers, which sounds like Willy Wonka’s least successful candy.
Still, the supporting cast pops, and the environment the show explores is rife for clever insights. It occupies a weird nether region between “Silicon Valley” and “Big Bang Theory.” Like a game of “Operation,” there is a wildly unpleasant shock when it touches the boundaries of either. I’ve still watched all 30 episodes though.
Grade = B-
“The Ark” (Syfy/Peacock)
I watched 15 seasons of “Supernatural.” So don’t tell me I can’t stomach mediocre-to-bad acting in a campy genre show. “The Ark” has maybe the worst pilot episode that doesn’t feature the words “Chuck Lorre.” Every actor is miscast, and ever note is sour in a show that makes every cancelled CW show feel like “The Wire.” Avoid, unless you enjoy watching a show about stranded interplanetary colonists and rooting for space to win.
Grade = F-
“Poker Face” (Peacock)
Every single review, including this one, has pointed out that this is basically just a Natasha Lyonne-led reboot of “Columbo.” If you don’t care about “Columbo,” I’m sorry COVID meant you couldn’t have prom. For those of us who have been hungering for a smarmy, charismatic wiseass to explain why everyone is stupid and wrong, what a delight this is.
Writer/director Rian Johnson came up with a simple gimmick: Lyonne’s character can tell when anyone’s lying. I suppose Benoit Blanc can do that too, but he has a silly accent, whereas Lyonne smokes a billion cigarettes. It’s basically “Knives Out”-lite on a weekly basis, with impossibly goofy murders, a cavalcade of guest stars, and no catchphrase. Yet…
Grade = A-
“That 90s Show” (Netflix)
Yes, I watched the whole thing. No, I am not proud of myself. Nobody in the new cast has Topher Grace-levels of talent. They are sub-Topher. That’s not an amount of grace anyone should feel comfortable with. Debra Jo Rupp remains a comedy angel though. “That 90s Show” is perfectly designed for “That 2020s Thing” where you put it on in the background while looking at your phone the whole time.
Grade = C-