Up there with jorts and capitalism, prequels are among the worst ideas of all time. Why would the lunatic near-octogenarian George Miller (Happy Feet) make Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, a film set before Fury Road, when he could make the next chapter, The Most Furious Road: Who Needs Mad Max? Prequels have always felt […]

Containing what can only be described as fatal horniness and one of the more aggressive defecation scenes in recent film history, Sasquatch Sunset doesn’t play it safe. The dialogue-free surrealist shenanigans answer the question “What if the opening scene in 2001 had less monolith and more upsetting fornication?” It is oddly fascinating and surprisingly watchable […]

Packed with prepositional phrases, even the title for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is long. But for the love of emptied bladders and frayed attention spans, why does a movie with a remedial grade school plot need to be almost 2.5 hours? This isn’t shaking-fist-at-clouds grumpiness. Okay, only a little. But just like […]

The self-esteem that it requires to do a re-remake of Seven Samurai in space that lasts more than four hours is honestly somewhat inspiring. Sure, that premise barely sustained a 38-minute episode of The Mandalorian less than five years ago, but clearly what we all actually needed was a two-film epic in which a ragtag […]

Life is complicated, but this isn’t: If you tell people the twist of your movie in the ads for your movie then your movie can’t take an hour to get to the twist. The disinteresting characters of Abigail may not know that the child they have kidnapped is a vampire. We do. That’s why we […]

Civil War misses out on being the most stressful A24 film by the width of an uncut gem. But make no mistake: You are simply not going to have a good time watching writer/director Alex Garland’s near-future lament. To quote this movie’s president and a real-life former one, “many people are even saying” that this […]

For as many movies as there are warning us against taking violent revenge, you’d think America would have more Batmen than Batman Funko Pops. We aren’t a nation of blood feuds, we’re a nation of Family Feud. Anyway, it’s hard to revamp retribution in a way that’s truly fresh, so Monkey Man doesn’t even try. […]

Would you eat from a sensible veggie tray when a chocolate éclair is right next to it? Would you settle in Council Bluffs when Omaha is mere miles away? Would you be a huge Superman fan when Spider-Man exists? Of course not. Nor would you center King Kong in your narrative over Godzilla. Because you […]

The latest attempt to turn Ghostbusters into a legitimate franchise is basically your worst coworker. It’s lazy, stupid, and does everything it can to look busy while not actually doing much of anything. Just to remind everyone: We could be watching Dame Kate McKinnon acting like a total nutbar whilst slaying the supernatural. Instead, we […]