King Tries to Give Kubrick a Shiner

The Shining remains a perfect masterpiece, which totally sucks. This is because no movie can possibly be good enough to justify Stanley Kubrick’s literal torture of Shelley Duvall. We still live under the gaslit delusion that talented artists should get to abuse whoever they want. So, say this much for Doctor Sleep: It is likely […]

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Cutting Room: Update

I already broke you off a piece of that Cutting Room column last week, but I am honor-bound to help families endure this season. Oh, I don’t mean the holidays, I mean Frozen 2 season. If you have children, Elsa’s gonna get you sooner or later, so I highly recommend biting the bullet (as well as […]

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Social Mobility 101: Some Crime Required

Of the people I saw Parasite with, one immediately contextualized it with a historical novel she read, while another declared that it made him quite happy, and then he dreamed about it that night. Meanwhile, it scared the bejesus out of me and made me feel like a dumb idiot. In the best possible way… […]

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I’m (Not) All Out of Thanks to Give!

Sword-less and wielding humor as the flimsiest of shields, I do combat every day. It is a never-ending ritual of ducking the invisible arrows of relentless anxiety while keeping one eye on the impending daily existential avalanche that perpetually hangs over life during this uniquely challenging time. It is an embarrassingly difficult exercise, common for […]

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Frankenstein’s Hipster

Who doesn’t love a good ole fashioned modern spin on a horror classic? IFC Midnight presents Depraved, an update of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein that reimagines the tale of a grave-robbing mad scientist as the most terrifying monster of all: a Brooklyn hipster. Writer/director/editor Larry Fessenden uses every visual effect leftover from the 90s to modernize […]

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Tiny Bubbles

As has been and forever will be, filmmaking is more alchemy than chemistry. The Laundromat is proof. A hugely important and underserviced subject (the Panama Papers) gets tackled by one of the best modern directors (Steven Soderbergh) and arguably the greatest actress of all time (Meryl Streep). Yet, somehow, the end result is just-ever-so-barely on […]

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Once Bitten, Twice Why?

The original Zombieland, which accounts for 67% of TNT’s daily programming, was a breezy romp elevated by oddly dynamic chemistry and nuggets of cleverness. The odds against replicating said chemistry-enhanced breeziness and clever nuggs kept them from attempting a follow-up for around a decade. But the bible says even Jesus will one day get a […]

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Dopey Horoscopy

First and foremost, it’s nice to see Henry Cavill’s poorly CGI-ed upper lip from Justice League get more work! Seriously, how does a movie that hinges entirely on a de-aging special effect—which we’ve seen done incredibly well as recently as this year’s Captain Marvel—do such a profoundly bad job at that one specific thing? Cramming […]

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